Re: Last post by yue sum

When copied to .doc, this file is 3 pages long.
half an hour to read i think?

I didnt actually read it, but this evening after the dinner, yue sum actually talked to me,

with hong da, wen lie and kher yang.

Then only i skim through his blog post, and i suppose that it is the same as what he had told me during the dinner.
I have never intended to write this so early to all of u,
since i always wanted to leave it to the day u all finish the tenure

First, I will like to apologize that I'm not a great/powerful leader, because

i know some of you, not just one or two,

expect me to do more than I have done so far,

more often, expect me to act more like a normal president should be.

I feel sorry, for not reaching the expectation from my committee,

which I will also expect shengran to do so.(during my time as a junior)
I also want to apologize for something else as well.

Now, I want to share a story of mine with u,
and hoping that you all will understand why would i make such decisions.

I rarely do this, and i dont expect you can fully link the people who wrote this post
as the Ng Shi Lin you always see.

Before I decided to become your president.
I knew that there is people who are much more capable of doing it than me.
And also I actually wanted to spend more time on my own(physics)
I once thought not to continue as president.

Things sometimes just change like that,
in one night before the AGM, when i am again thinking about this matter,
i suddenly decided that if i know I can bring changes to this organization,
then i should give it a try, and push this organization towards the correct direction.
Of coz, i always wanted to learn to become a leader.

So here i am, became ur president for 8 months.

My initial plan was simple.
work with the new committee, bring amcisa closer to our fellow malaysian.
to achieve this i can have more combined activities between amcisa and msl.
and i was thinking to bring amcisa closer into singapore's society.
to do this, i can have some community services activities organized.

Soon, i realized that simply juz to have more activities between amcisa and msl is tiring enough.
our 1st "combined event"-MSD,
It was minor, but that experience exposed some of u to the committee of MSL
and make Hallooooween possible.
and I forgot my second aim just because i was focus on the first one.

I think we all made quite a big step in the history of AMCISA.
I was quite satisfied with this results.
and i was happy that you guys really support me.
and this is u guys that really makes it comes true.

But life is hard.

Although i always assure myself that my committee is very good,
and those little arguments that happens between us are normal, and will be experienced by other comm too
as i think that there is no reason for us to be really special, different than the others.
But we actually had a bad time back in semester one, as many of u observed.
Some of u feel tired, some of u doesn't feel the others' engagement
or some of u had verbal fight with each others during meeting.

I am a man of peace and don't really like this. And I afraid of it.
i was very worried about this, and later i found out that hong da and qin jin are equally worried.
It was never happened in the last comm, and i think 3 of us don't know what actually shud be done.
or at least i don't know.

We tried to analyze. We even tried so far that maybe qin jin should change her way of speaking.
I remember I was wanted to take a much active role in leading u guys becoz they think im kinda weak.
I am convinced them that i should take an active role.
But, at the same time i don't think that I have any rights to be above u all.
Or should i have any rights to be correct,
as i know nothing actually superior than any of you. 

this is my mental barrier.
I just can't be the strong kind of leader who can say
"walk my path and believe me, i'm correct"
and based on the same reason too,
sometimes i find it hard for me to tell ppl that he/she is wrong,
because i might be the one who is wrong! 

I'm sorry about this.

Again time passed.

Without realizing it we ourselves have formed somekind of special dynamics of good relationship.

And i found out that, mayb i was just helping nothing to form this special dynamics,

despite the hardwork three of us did.

I mean what we three was trying to do might have no effect at all.

And I'm again happy that we turned better.

it makes me feel better and comfortable with u guys.

Then, sometimes some questions struck me.

sometimes it just pop up.

"Have I did the correct stuffs?"

"Have I did what i supposed to?"

this is the kind of questions.

And it leads me to consider that at least some of my decision was wrong.

I always know I make wrong decisions,

But i never knew i was so wrong, to take it for granted that,

hong da qin jin and me should plan our annual activities according to a plan.

That plan was what we have done last year.

I realized this quite recently and it was really late.

I think i was wrong because I am the one who asked hong da and qin jin to come out

"to decide the work schedule for the new committee"

things might changed if we came out to discuss what we should do.

The 8 months between u and me make me think a lot.

I've never regret to take the job as president

although i always joke to myself that, its 吃力不討好

Its this kind of thinking that made me learnt a lot from you.

I am those guy who keep his secret from everyone else.

I like to be alone, sometimes.

I like silence, maybe not obvious.

我覺得我是一個容易親近的人

但可能不是一個容易親近的會長/老大

我一直都在學習

無論是做會長,或是人與人之間的關係

 

我很希望能夠得到你們的諒解

這是為甚麼我寫了這些東西=)